Understanding Our Critical Inner-Voice and Self-Compassion

How do you behave towards a person you love in difficult moments? It may be easier to show compassionate, kind, and inclusive attitudes during other people's difficult moments. Self-compassion, in its simplest form, is about being able to give the same attitudes towards yourself that you can offer to someone else. (Neff, 2011)

According to research, the antidote to self-judgment is self-compassion. (Gilbert and Miles, 2000) Also, a recent meta-analysis of 20 studies conducted by MacBeth and Gumley (2012) showed that self-compassion has positive effects on depression, anxiety and stress.

Self-compassion consists of 3 main components. (Neff, 2011)

1- Mindfulness:

We become aware of our feelings of inadequacy, failure, rejection, or when we feel bad. We actively address the pain that we feel inside, and noticing the pain without waiting for it to go away.

Mindfulness statements you can use in such moments may include:

• This is really hard and I need compassion. 
• This is a moment of suffering. 
• This is very difficult for me right now.

2- Common Humanity:

We know that many people experiences the pain that you feel. Also, everyone can have difficulties and make mistakes from time to time. Accepting that we have flaws, like every human being, causes us to feel connected to other people and see that we are not alone. 

Expressions of common humanity may include:

• Others also suffered like this. 
• Suffering is part of being human. 
• I am human and it is normal to feel like this.

3- Self-Kindness:

We respond to the pain we feel with patience, understanding and warmth rather than harsh criticism of ourselves for our shortcomings. We tell ourselves, 'you are not alone, I am here.' 

Examples of kind and supportive statements to yourself might include: 

• I might be kind to myself at this point.
• I respond to this pain with kindness and compassion.
• I might be as understanding as possible towards myself.
• I might accept myself as I am.

To sum up all these expressions to use in any difficult situation:

1) This is a moment of suffering;

2) Suffering is a part of life;

3) I have to be kind to myself at this point;

4) I must give myself the compassion I need. 

All these expressions are written as examples of creating a compassionate inner voice towards yourself, and you can create your own compassionate inner voice with different expressions of your own choice. This skill gives you an ease in overcoming challenges in a gentle and compassionate way.

If you have difficulties with your critical inner voice and If you cannot approach yourself with kindness and compassion, remember that it might be possible to take a healthy journey with a therapist.