SCHEMES AND THE SHACKLES OF TODAY PAST

 Schemas are stereotyped thoughts about ourselves and our environment, developing based on our experiences. Schemes appear in early childhood, develop during childhood and adolescence, and maintain their effects throughout life (Bintas Zörer, 2015). W. Winnicott said, "Our childhood doesn't need to be perfect for us to be well-adapted adults. It is enough that it is good enough." (Young & Klosko, 2011, p. 46). For children to have a good enough childhood, they need to feel safe, and connected to others, and have autonomy, self-confidence, self-expression, and realistic boundaries set by their parents. Negative experiences may occur as a result of not meeting these needs. The biggest reason contributing to schemes' formation is the negative experiences experienced during childhood (Bintaş Zörer, 2015).

HOW ARE THE SCHEMES OCCUR?
 One of the most important feelings for babies is a sense of security. In order for them to see the world as a reliable place, their needs must be met consistently. Babies' parents' who feel safe are emotionally and physically approachable. They're always there. The baby is not neglected, or abandoned, and gets love. Abandonment schema, skepticism schema, and abuse schema may arise in a child who does not get a basic sense of security (Young & Klosko, 2011, p. 46 48). They think that they will be abandoned at any moment, that others will abuse them, that everyone is biding their time to do something behind their back. It's hard for them to trust someone.

 Babies who feel safe connect safely. Bowlby (1969) defined attachment as feeling a closeness to a person and maintaining it (Demirkan, 2006). Children who are securely connected adapt well. An emotional withdrawal scheme and a social isolation scheme may occur in a child who cannot connect securely (Young & Klosko, 2011 p. 48-49). In their adult life, they feel that no one will truly love them and that they cannot belong anywhere.

 Children need autonomy in order to establish a separate world from their parents and to have an identity. They should take enough responsibility, and be supported in doing it alone. In this regard, unsupported children may have a dependency scheme and a resilience scheme (Young & Klosko, 2011 p. 49-50) Even when they become an adult, they have difficulty separating from their families financially and spiritually. They think that they cannot face the difficulties of life alone. They are always looking for people who will take care of them and protect them.

 Besides autonomy, a sense of self-confidence is also important. Children who cannot be raised with self-confidence may have imperfection and failure schemes (Young & Klosko, 2011 p. 51-52). Even if everything in your life goes regularly (a regular job, a good relationship, a good social environment, etc.) deep down, they still feel imperfect. ’There's always something missing," they think. On the contrary, these people may not have developed some skills because they grew up insecure. As a result, they may actually be failing.

 Children need to express themselves and show their feelings. They should know that their own needs are just as important as others. Children who grow up without being encouraged to express themselves may have a subordination scheme and a high standards scheme (Young & Klosko, 2011 p. 52-54). Some people can't make decisions on their own, while others want to be very successful at everything. Their standards are very high. 

 In addition to knowing their own needs, children also need realistic boundaries to be set by their parents. While parents support when it comes to the place, when it comes to the place, they should put limits on some things. Children who grow up with parents who cannot set realistic boundaries may have an entitlement scheme (Young & Klosko, 2011 p. 54-56). Although the origins of schemes differ from person to person, their common aspect is that they harm the individual (Bintaş Zörer, 2015).

THE DIFFICULTY OF REPETITION
 Schemes trigger our emotions, they affect our relationships. Even if we don't realize it sometimes, they are always there somewhere in our lives. At the point when we say ‘Something is always missing’ when our life is going well, when our life is not going well, ‘Why is this happening?‘ at the point when we say and we constantly establish relationships with people in the same style, when we experience events in the same style, "Why do the same things always find me, the same people all the time?’ at the point we said, the diagrams appear before us.

 As a child, we were neglected, abandoned, insufficiently loved, harassed, found defective, and criticized. When we become adults, we are with people who neglect, abandon, do not love us enough, harass and criticize us. We see these repetitions in our romantic relationships, in our business lives, and in our friendship relationships. Freud called this the "repetition compulsion". We make ourselves experience the pain of our childhood over and over again. For example, people with self-neglecting parents marry someone who neglects themselves. Children whose parents do not show them enough love feel attracted to partners who do not show their love in adulthood.

 When we have already experienced the pain of this in childhood, why do we repeat it in our adult life? Psychoanalyst Steven Cooper (2015) explains the reason for repetition compulsion by likening the place where the incident occurred to a crime scene. According to Cooper (2015), a person tries to solve the pain by going to the same scene and experiencing it over and over again. According to the schema approach, the emotions that trigger the schema are familiar emotions. It makes us feel at home. They're comfortable. We don't need to leave our comfort zone. There is no uncertainty, they provide a sense of control. Even if it hurts, it's familiar. This is how we learn about the world. Although abused children label people as ‘unreliable’, they still choose unreliable people in their life. Because this is what they have learned and believe. To give up our belief in the scheme means also to give up our belief that we know what the world is like. In a way, if we give up this belief, we think that we will fall into uncertainty, thinking that we will not know the world. No matter how much it hurts, we don't do it.

 Our inherent trust in the schemas provides us with a sense of consistency. This feeling of consistency is part of the human motive. That is why it is difficult to change the schemes. Although it is difficult, it is not impossible. The first step to change is to understand it. ‘What is my thought that makes me become like this? Why do I think like this, what can I do not think like this?" with questions such as " the first step to understanding our scheme can be taken.

Bibliography

• Cooper, S.H. (2015). Reflections on the Analyst’s “Good Enough” Capacity to Bear Dissappointment with Special Attention to Repetition. Journal of the American Psy. Ass. 63 (6), 1193-1213.
• Demirkan, S. (2006) Özel Sektördeki Yöneticilerin ve Çalışanların Bağlanma Stilleri, Kontrol Odağı, İş Doyumu ve Beş Faktör Kişilik Özelliklerinin Araştırılması. Yayınlanmamış Yüksek Lisans Tezi,Ankara Üniversitesi Sosyal Bilimler Enstitüsü.
• Young, J. E. & Klosko J. S. (2011). Hayatı yeniden keşfedin. İstanbul: Psikonet Yayınevi
• Zörer, P. B. (2015). Bağlanma kuramı perspektifinden sosyal kaygı: Erken dönem uyumsuz şemalar ve reddedilme duyarlılığının rolü. Yayınlanmamış yüksek lisans tezi. Uludağ Üniversitesi Sosyal Bilimler Enstitüsü.